Dunngivashit - Week 7

Although my season is beginning to look worse than Crop, I have temporarily swallowed my pride to write this newsletter.  This week I hit rock bottom as I lost by a large margin to DJ, “at my age my balls sag to my ankles”, Miller.  Hard loss to shake off.  However, the tyrant himself has yet to give me any shit for the tardiness of this newsletter and for that, I thank you.  And now, on with this newsletter.

Stud of the Week

The Big Sammy continues to bully the entire league with another studly performance.  E put up a respectable 152.9, but was still no match for Lamar Miller and the undefeated Sandwich.  I hope you have been talking shit to DJ all season as you continue to shit on the competition.  I hope all of your players decide they don’t want to play this week for our matchup.  Otherwise, it will be another long day for my squad. 

Willy Lowman

Nolan United captured their sixth straight loss with a poor showing of 71 points against the Best Chest in the West.  6 losses in a row also gets you the Do Better Chair award.  Tough season so far.  To make matters worse, your beloved 49ers continue with their dominate performances.  If it makes you feel any better, I can throw some ice cubes out my window in your general direction.  My team isn’t much better, so I feel your pain.

James Graham Jock Slap

Lamar Miller absolutely killed it this week with a 51.6 point performance.  The coaching change in Miami is really paying dividends for both the Big Sammy and Lamar Miller.  Let’s see if he can keep putting up the points he has the last two weeks or if this is a fluke in the bizarro league. 

Bench Bomb

There were quite a few bench bombs this week, however, none would have changed the outcome of any games.  The biggest bench bomb being, Amari Cooper who could not be covered by the Chargers defense.  However, the Samich still won by almost 50 points so let’s move on.  Pav I haven’t said anything about you yet.  Pav left Ryan Matthews and his 27.1 points on the bench because Pav isn’t good at fantasy football.  That’s about all I got.  Terrible diss, I am ashamed of myself. 

As I end this newsletter to once again ponder my terrible fantasy team I think about a great quote for times like this.  When life gives you lemons, say fuck the lemons and bail.  Fadi, Pav and Crop, suck one.

Dunngiveashit out.