Many of you have labeled me as a heartless drunk who laughs
at the mentally handicapped while refusing offers of cocaine and blow jobs at
PNC Park. The stories of the Raging
Polack’s father throwing ice-cubes in road rages, herself screaming at drivers in
the waterfront and getting in verbal fights while holding her toddler at hand,
never went viral. I had always known and
was aware of my bad luck. Theory that was proven during a recent trip to
Vegas, missing the Millers little angels
birthday party I offered to place 2 bets on roulette of $30 on number 11 and $30 on number 18, their birthdates. After a long day and half a night of drinking, up for 24
hours, with a bourbon at hand, I chose a
table and placed $30 on 11 and $30 on 18 announcing in inebriated and loud
voice , THIS IS FOR ESTELLA AND MARLO!!!!,
my first bet hits on 18.
Considering the state of my intoxication, friends had to explain to me
that I, or Estella, won over $1000. One
would think, and based on people’s views of me online; someone with my lack of
morals will pocket that money and pretend it never happened. Instead, at 1 AM Vegas time, 4 AM Pittsburgh
time, I texted the Millers with pictures of the winnings. I even kept the exact 10, $100 bills tucked
away in my wallet and did not spend it on any kind of blow. I did manage to
lose close to $900 of my own money during that trip.
Enough about nonsense stuff and on to football crap.
It is with great pleasure that I announce to you the Stud of
the week
Fadi Mother Fucking Viral, dominated this week with a total
points of 168.9. while Toner was getting
flaccid watching Bryant’s well-rested return with almost 40 points, and Hopkins
37.8 points, combined are almost the entire Raging Polacks score, but we will
get to her soon. Although I enjoyed dominating Toner ,at one point during
Monday Night Football, with the Eagles defense 28 points, and Mirray with 22
points the gap between Toner and me was getting too close. If Toner would have played Brown, Stewart and
Bortles, he would have been the Stud of the week. Instead, Toner wins for bench
bomb of the week. Toner’s highest scoring game for the season was no match to
Viral.
I should mention that TBS should also be included in the
stud of the week, I do not like to share the spot light but their skills/luck deserver
a mention in this week.
Willy Lowman
I feel that she already knows what we are about to say. Mrs
Miller is holding on to this spot and seems to be proud of it. Every Sunday as
I am walking into the gym I hear her voice teaching her class, hearing her
energetic, authoritative voice one would appreciate the competitive nature of
the Raging Polack but when it comes to fantasy she does not have that spark in
her anymore. Jordan Reed out with a
concussion, Matt Jones with some sort of a toe injury, and your highest scoring
player Sims on Bye week, you did not stand a chance.
Do better ChairS
Nolans United:
Few weeks back, during the week we played against each other,
Mrs. Kreter had referred to my physique as that of a Manatee, while Mr.
Stipanovich said it is more like a Porpoise.
With all fairness it all started out when I said I look like a whale in
the pool in comparison to DJ. Instead of
saying “ Get out of here” or “ no you don’t” they both opted to find different
animals that I may resemble. With that
said, DO better on your fantasy team; this is an embarrassment to see the
Nolans underperform in such manners as to be 1-5 at the end of week 6. One would expect this kind of results from
ThRobby, Lobos, or even from ME. Your
bench is a rehab waiting room, Joique Bell (ankle), Vernon Davis ( Knee), Percy
Harvin (Hip) plus two players on BYE week, I hope you did not spend a second
looking at your fantasy app this week.
Vandelay:
I hope Vandelay industry wore their Manzierrs as they
bottomed last week for TBS. I am
predicting a huge come back from Vandelay once they have the support they need
from the Manzierr. (For those youngsters, this is a Seinfeld reference) vandelay should be considered as a bench-bomb for the week
benching Starks, and Stafford, but it would have not made a difference against
TBS.
Kimmy Graham Jock Strap
Martavis Bryant coming out of four week suspensioin and a
week of injury had proven he was worth the wait. Drafting him early proved
beneficial after 5 long weeks of bench warming
I would like to add a new section
The Stop spending money
Barrister’s Balls has managed to spend $70 in transaction
fees, plus numerous hours researching different football websites. Barrister’s helped me last season with my
lineup so I feel that I owe him, but it kills me to see his performance this
season. Maybe all the chlorine in the
pool is affecting his judgment. Learn from
your family members, TBS had managed to
be in first place, with spending $0 in acquisitions and with no Trades,
Wicked Sam, just because DJ is spending money doesn’t mean
you have to as well. $65 13 acquisitions and one trade, please take your ADHD
meds and relax. You might want to start asking for Amy’s help while you are watching
Gilmore Girls rerun on Netflix.
Taco, PICK UP YOUR FUCKING BIKE!!!!!!! Natalie had offered
me $10 for it and I am about to drop it off at her house in the next few
days. Beside the bike, way to go
Caleb/Amy team overall highest points
for the season so far, 897 points. ThRobby dropped you down to third place,
working 100 hours/week had proven to be beneficial for Crop when it comes to
fantasy, the less time he spent on his line up the better his results are. Fuck you crop for not been included in the
viral picture as you were standing right there!
Knuckle junction had been staying up way past his bedtime,
in his onesie, thinking Barrister had a
chance with Beckham to change the outcome. Although beckham 19.1 points was
Dj’s highest score for the week, he needed to almost double that for a win. Get
some rest and enjoy your 5-1 standing until next week when TBS will be
manhandling you as much as Crop gets manhandled in his Kick-tease/ dodge ball
league.
Has anyone heard from Dunn? I know he dunn Givashit but his
lack of participation is concerning. Is
that what marriage does? That doesn’t seem to be the case in the
Millers/Nolans/ and Tardiff households, yes I did say Tardiff and not Pakraftar
as we all know who wears the pants in that relationship. With
that said Dunn, you are up next.
