28.5…. With
that number, Dunngiveshit was able to bring joy to the league by putting our
very own Matthew Berry to bed with the career night from Le’Veon “because I got
high” Bell. Usually my Monday blows
worse than Cropcho’s fantasy squad, but this Monday was different. This Monday brought with it a meaningful
contribution in the form of a 4.8 point victory and the continued downward
slide of the Saggy Balls. Although I was
unable to watch any games this Sunday I missed none of the action. Throughout my day I received play-by-play
from our very own Bob Ueker.
The
following are a few of my favorite excerpts I received as I handed our fearless
leader his 3rd straight loss of the season. Sunday 1:13 p.m. “you’ve been Jordied.” Sunday 2:09 p.m. “Bernard is out…Just died.” 9:54 p.m. “.7 away. Fuck it I’m going to bed.
Blow me.” Tuesday 8:12 a.m. “choke on
your breakfast.” Ball Coozy, maybe you
should stick to play dates on Sunday because your fantasy play has been less
then desirable as of late. Almost
forgot, thanks for keeping Odell Beckham on the bench this weekend. That really worked out well for both of
us.
Stud of the
Week: Them Raging Polacks with a solid 155.5 to defeat the Boner himself, Anthony
Pavlik. Solid performances by DT, Amish
Andy and the vaunted Colts D allowed the Polacks to cruise to a 34 point
victory. Realistically, the Raging
Polacks should receive stud of the week every week for putting up with the
comish on a daily basis. Bravo, Laura.
I’m hoping you rubbed in your win while DJ wept into his pillow Monday
night as Le’Veon “if you smoke like I smoke then you high like every day” Bell
shit on his hopes for a week 7 victory. Good
week overall.
Honorable
Mention: The Nolans keep on rolling as they stole a victory from James the
Chest Cafaro with an impressive showing by AB.
Too bad your beloved 49ers aren’t as dominant in the NFL as you have
been in MillerKuz FFL this year. Although
it brings me great joy to continually rub in my victory over Barry J. Balls, I
Dunngiveashit to discuss my own point total.
The Polacks still would have rolled everyone by almost 30 points. Moving on…
Will I.M.
Lowman: The man, the myth, the
Meximelt. I was surprised you didn’t get
yourself some taco bell during your 15 minutes of fame. Taco gets a pass on the measly 77.1 points he
put up this week as he was scoring some serious Ellen Swag. Congrats, glad something good came out of all
the bad luck. One request now that you’re
a local celebrity, don’t forget about us little people in your fantasy
league.
Honorable
Mention: Sandwich. For the second week
in a row the Big Sandwich received the second lowest point total. Due to the fact that I play you this upcoming
week, my fingers are crossed that you keep up the great work. Cropcho’s ankle also gets a shout out in the
honorable mention column. Solid squad
you drafted…. Keep on racking up those points.
Bench Bomb: Nolans
left Sammy Watkins (34.2 points) and Aleppo Faith made the decision to keep
both Stafford (22.1 points) and Chris Ivory (23.5 points) on the bench. All were major bench bombs, but since both
were still victorious I cannot consider them a true bench bomb. Therefore, the honor goes to the suck pump
himself, Ahmad Bradshaw. Had the
Sandwich went against the advice of Balls and started the suck pump he would
have stolen a victory from the OG himself, Knuckle Junction. Instead he went with the Brown Bomber who
managed a staggering 4.4 points. Maybe
you need some time in the Do Better Chair to reconsider your fantasy
decisions.
Now that I
have completed my newsletter I am going back to yawning my way through. E, I don’t know how you did this every week
for several seasons. Very impressive, so
props on that. Crop,
I haven’t included enough about you.
Suck one…that is all.
Boner,
you’re up next. Hope you can rise to the
occasion.
Since I am
writing this on Tuesday night I will leave you all with words of wisdom from Mr.
Truck Nuts, “Fuck it, I’m going to bed.
Blow me.”
Dunngiveashit
out.
No comments:
Post a Comment