Wicked of Lately

1. Wheeling and Dealing

This week saw more trades in one week that some previous season and no doubt more than any week in prior MillerKuz seasons.

1. Barrister’s Ball & Taco – swap 1st round pics. The Ball’s give up hope on McCoy and move him over to Taco Corp for Jamal Charles coming off a huge week. Despite some objections and allegations of trade rape it goes through and triggers a flurry of activity.  I guess it’s not sexual assault if you’re the commish – too soon?
2. Knuckle Junction & Vandalay – Phillip Rivers and Gates for Cam Newton and Kniles Davis. KJ makes out like a bandit getting 44 points from his new found wealth to take the win against Dunn Giveashit
3. Croppy (I honestly don’t know what team name to refer to his as, since it changes every 6 hours) offers Toby Gerhart for Roy Helu – immediately rejected.
4. Wicked of Lately & Croppy – Roddy White switches 0-4 teams as Croppy takes a gamble on McKinnon as the next great Vikings RB.
5. Wicked of Lately & Aleppo Faith – Greg Olson & Reggie Wayne for Julius Thomas and Randel. After harassing The Big Sandwich with multiple Jimmy Graham trade offers WoL moves on to Julius Thomas (dodged a bullet there) and a TE swap which benefitted both teams as Olsen had his revenge game against the Bears catching two TD and putting up a solid 25 points.  Despite another round of allegations of trade rape I would like to point out that Wayne and Olsen were Aleppo’s two highest scorers (yes this article is biased, deal with it)

2. Name 3 White RB other not named Mike Alstott…

I’ll admit I couldn’t do it.

Below is a list of players that RAN for more yards than Toby Gerhart this week:

Andre Luck, Jay Cutler, Mathew Stafford, Ausin Davis, Nick Foles, Jake Locker, Christian Ponder, Tom Brady, Russel Wilson and almost every RB in the league

For those of you still trying to think of other white RBs:

Peyton Hillis

Danny Woodhead

That’s all I got; which is why I feel that we need a Gerhart rule: no monetary penalty for dropping a white RB if they fail to run for 10 yards in a game.

3. And now for the awards…

Jimmy Graham Jock Slap award: Demaryius Thomas with 50.6. In the battle of the Miller’s, Laura rode Demaryius and Andre Ellington to over 130 points in just the 4pm games to own the biggest margin of victory with 54.5 points. This scenario is made even more perfect by Laura’s apathy to the ass whooping she was laying down.

Willy low man of the week: Calvin Johnson Ankle. Please refer to Section II: White RBs for more details.

4. Always start your studs – don’t get cute about it.

Barrister’s Balls: Tony Romo benched for Eli Manning, point differential: 7

Aleppo: Golden Tate benched for Eric Decker – a move that was applauded by half of Wicked of Lately, alas it lead to a point differential of 27.4

Taco: Gostowski benched for Robbie Gould (if only Amy knew you benched Gostowski) and Desean Jackson benched for Greg Jenning: point differential: 32 – which would’ve netted the easy win and thus giving you the Bench bomb Award. This matchup was quite stressful for the Nolan’s no doubt as up until the 3rd quarter of the Monday night game there was less than a 2 point differential.  Luckily AlMo shat the bed and despite 3 Percy Harvin TDs being called back Russel Wilson (who I must admit is quite an attractive man) took off for 35 points and gave the Nolan’s a comfortable win. Congratulations Nolan’s for not being the first team to lose to Taco. Stay tuned next week when Megatron’s gimpy ankle tries to avoid this dubious distinction.

Dunn: Peyton Manning benched for Big Ben.  Seriously?  He was the 3rd overall pick. That’s almost more stupid than paying money to move up 6 picks and not drafting Marshawn Lynch. Point Differential: 23 – would not have changed the outcome of the game but would’ve made Eric lose a little more hair. For benching Peyton Manning you have the dubious honor of the Do better award this week

5. Fun Fact of the week

Aleppo Faith’s team image is still of Big Mac Attack. Is this a tribute to his predecessor, love of the Big Mac or simple laziness, please discuss.

6. Text of the Week

DJ Miller after a Jordy Nelson 66 yr TD: “I can’t get my lips around his Dong fast enough”

On that note the Pakraftars nominate the Ball’s for next week.