First, a couple of housekeeping issues.
1. If you missed this discussion at the draft, the person whom writes the newsletter nominates the next author. No repeats.
2. I cannot figure out what the credentials are to get into this blog. I only have access because my computer remembers my user name and password. SO, when it's your time to write just send your newsletter to me via email and I will post it on the blog (eric.weinheimer@gmail.com).
Second, a couple of congratulatory issues.
1. Congratulations to James and Caitlin Cafaro. They got married last weekend.
2. Congratulations to Taco and Jess (aka Mrs. Taco). They got married last weekend.
If you're reading this on your honeymoon I simultaneously applaud your dedication and worry for your general well-being.
***
There's a common colloquialism that you hear all the time: "It's better to be lucky than good." I happen to think that's one of the dumber things I've ever heard. If I had a choice, I'd take "good" 100 times out of 100. It's not even a question.
But, there maybe something to be said for luck. Especially beginner's luck.
Now, let me be clear, I am not ruling out the possibility that Fadrick has hustled all of us and actually knows everything there is to know about fantasy football. I'm simply doubting it.
Fadi, the same person who was reading (and hilariously ignoring) suggested picks written by DJ on the inside of Styrofoam wing containers at the draft, is not a fantasy football savant. Although, ignoring DJ at a draft shows a tremendous amount of insight.
Regardless, our only new member in the league this year is Week One's Stud of the Week.
Aleppo Faith (AF) put up an impressive 153.4 in their league debut. Not only did Matthew Stafford throw two TD's to Calvin Johnson, but his fat face also managed to rush for a TD adding the coveted 6 points for an otherwise immobile QB. Stafford and Julius Thomas combined to give AF 71.9 points (!) this week. That's silly. I doubt Julius pulls in 3 TD's every week, but then again, he looked unstoppable and Peyton is his QB, so I guess it's possible. The only under performer in his starting line up was Zac Stacy. That's to be expected, though, because, well, Stacy plays for the Rams. Chris Ivory on the bench put up a 20 + point day. Make the switch, Fadrick. Speaking of switches, as much as I love Big Mac's old logo, you need to switch that as well.
Honorable Mention: The honeymooner, James Cafaro of Vandelay Industries (VI) put up 144.4 points. As his opponent this week, I can speak to three particularly soul-crushing TD's. AJ Green and Jeremy Maclin 50+ yard touchdowns (which happened in a 5 minute span in real time) and a particularly infuriating garbage time touchdown for Rashard Jennings. My goodness did the Giants offense look awful. Out of that dumpster fire, the first ban of the new season has been established: No one can start a player employed by the New York Football Giants. Do the right thing. Don't embarrass yourselves.
The Willy Lowman of the Week:The Raging Pollacks (RP).Andre Ellington was hurt and (properly) on your bench. He STILL scored more than both of your starting RB's combined. Stop. Re-read that sentence. Hilarious. Maurice Jones Drew and Doug Martin are allergic to points. And the cherry on top? Their both now listed as questionable. Andrew Luck scored about 45% of your total points. But for him, we'd be looking at an historically low one-week point total. If only. I'd say make better decisions, but, honestly, there aren't better decisions to be made. Good luck. Seventy-six points is so bad.
Honorable Mention: This side of the newsletter's favorite team, Lobos Latinos, Taco Corp, TM (LL). A measly 106 points was saved only by the double-digit misery of RP. I have to say that allowing appointing Amy to pick your team two years in a row is a BOLD move. A move that has simply never paid off. Nor will it ever, thus again proving that kickers are pretty worthless and picking a team based on their dashing good looks is never the best idea. Hey, but at least you didn't pick the team. You're just responsible for overseeing them each week and laughing your way out of the playoffs. Again.
Jimmy Graham Jockslap of the Week: We might have to rename this category after this week's recipient. Calvin "Seriously, You Can't Cover Me" Johnson. He is literally unstoppable and fat face Stafford seems to have his act together this year (so far). The funniest part of this Jockslap is that before the Monday night game, The Girth agreed in principle to trade Megatron for Roddy White and Mark Ingram. Mark. Fucking. Ingram. I would veto that trade faster than DJ can make up arbitrary league rules. Girth, that's embarrassing and it feels even worse after writing and reading it. It barely seems real. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Bench Bomb of the Week: The Big Sandwich (TBS). TBS elected to start Nick "Foils" Foles and somehow, the Jacksonville Jaguars were able to stifle the Eagles for the first half last week. Foils only put up 23 points. Matt Ryan, on the other hand, threw for 448 yards and 3 TDs. The worst part: had you started Ryan, DJ would have lost this week. Instead, you let him win. Additionally, your bench scored 112.7 points - just 6.8 points less than your starters. Get your act together, Sandwich.
My nomination for next week's letter is the Girthy Bangler. Don't let us down, Crop. Send me your newsletter next week when you're done.
Until next week.
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