Week Four - 50-Point Players, Injuries and Black French Guys

For those keeping score at home, Knowshon Moreno is now the 74th best fantasy RB.  He is averaging one point per week.  His season total is four.  I will now go eat razor blades and pencil shavings. 

Enough about me, though.  We'll go back to the original format because I only have so much creativity in me.  I hope that is agreeable.  If it's not, too bad.  You'll read it and you'll like it.

Let's get into the Newsletter for Week Four:

Stud(s) of the Week - We have a tie.  The Big Sandwich and The Barrister's Balls.  DJ was displeased this morning when he found out that he TIED for the Stud of the Week.  He quickly found out that it was the fault of both Ahmad Bradshaw and Santana Moss each came up one yard short of another point (both had 39 yards and a TD).  One more yard from either of them, and he'd be the lone Stud.  That might be as close as he comes to being our Stud for any week. 

Also, the perpetual Stud, TBS, had a huge week from Aaron Rodgers who decided to drop half-a-hundred (+1) on everyone.  Rodgers threw for 408 yards and two touchdowns.  Also, he ran for two touchdowns.  He's everything Mike Vick owners expected him to be...and then some.  He did, however, throw an interception, so shame on him.  It's also worth noting that Matt Forte and Rodgers alone (both owned by TBS) came within one point (81) of matching the total of our Willy Lowman of the Week (82). 

Honorable Mention - Speaking of Mike Vick, Chester Humpley put up a respectable 134 this week.  Hater's gon' hate, but Chester just keeps humping along and winning match ups.  Vick finally showed up fantasy-wise with 34 points.  It's unfortunate for the Eagles that he didn't show up losing-to-the-49'ers-wise, though.  It's getting marginally difficult to argue with four wins on the young season.  Well, it isn't too hard yet considering he still owns the lowest points-against total.  But don't be surprised if The Hump steam rolls your team at any point this season.  He's capable of putting up some decent totals as this week indicates.  You've been warned.  So don't blame me when you, like George Filopolopolous this week, get Humped.

The Willy Lowman of the Week - There were lots of points to be had this week.  It produced 10 triple-digit totals in the MillerKuz league.  Unfortunately for two teams on the bad side of the Newsletter, they account for the other two teams. 

First, The Willy Lowman welcomes the Nolans back to the party.  We're not much for excuses here at the Newsletter.  Excuses are just reasons why you aren't good at things.  That having been said, the Nolans continue to be ravaged by injuries.  The good news: Arian Foster is back.  The bad news: Andre Johnson is gone.  You really stood no chance this week as we've already chronicled the adventures of The Big Sandwich and Aaron Rodgers, but I am proud that Davone Bess was squarely where he needed to be - on the bench.  Keep working that waiver wire and if you need a 49er to soothe your Andre Johnson pain, look no further than Michael Crabtree.  Have your people contact my people.

Honorable Mention - The other sub-100 performer, Wicked of Lately.  Drew Brees and Vincent Jackson performed honorably, but Jackson's total (23) equaled the total put up by Felix Jones, Mark Ingram, Nate Washington, and Antonio Brown combined.  WL's bench was quite miserable as well, so good luck with alllllll that.

Obligatory Kicker Fact:
Jason Hanson, the best fantasy kicker to date this year, averages more points (13.5) than all but NINE running backs in all of fantasy football.  Just some food for thought.  Also, DJ, I hate you.

Is He Black or French?  Doesn't Matter.  He's Running All Over the Place:
He's actually black and french.  Neither of which matters as much as his performance last night.  We were three points away from Pierre Garcon completing the most ridiculous comeback in the history of this league.  He caught two passes.  He scored two touchdowns.  He totaled 39 fantasy points. 

We were literally three points away from this Newsletter containing nothing but the words "Pierre Garcon" for 12 paragraphs.  We were also three points away from Whore Hands quitting his job, dropping out of the league and living in an abandoned school bus somewhere in the Alaskan wilderness.

Biggest Bench Bomb:
I sat a previously-injured Beanie Wells in a fit of rationality.  I also missed a career day from Beanie Wells.  Literally.  He had a career high in yards (138) and a career high in touchdowns (3).  Awesome.  Bench points are worse than zero points.  Those 32 points will haunt my dreams and nightmares.  Mostly nightmares.  It was, however, much easier to swallow after Sunday night when Shonn Greene, Wells' replacement, carried the ball 10 times for 23 yards.  See, that previous sentence is why they tell you not to believe everything on the Internet.  I hate fantasy football.