Pav, your 3-6 record is fooling a lot of people. While you're awfully close to my third place position in points, it's painfully obvious that when it's time to perform against your adversary, your Boner does not throb as long and hard as the Johnsons.
I'm just starting to realize that I'm wasting a lot of time right now considering that my references will be totally irrelevant within the next two days, so I'm stopping here. Hopefully my dick jokes feel a lot less forced and more natural once Tuesday rolls around. Johnson, out. And in. And out. And in. And out 
🏼️.
...........
Well, as it turns out, I was the victim of another TBS heartbreak this week. I may have crushed Marlo in hide and seek on Sunday, but talking shit to her after discovering that a giggling couch cushion isn't always what it seems just doesn't really give me the same satisfaction on Tuesday morning.
I'd like to start this off by comparing my tidbits from last week to how the subsequent games played out. Pav - you finally played down to your record. Way to be. I would like to note that if the Nolans' team wasn't trash they wouldn't have been able to claim J. Langford, and instead would have had to start Isaiah Crowell (who is much more of a Nolan-caliber player), and they would've lost to you, Tone. Instead, have fun rolling around in the dumpster fire with Jamblow and his stable of second string running backs while Laura is somehow sneaking her way out of that mess. I think it's also safe to say that Sam and Travis have jumped head first into that fire as well. Way to really shuffle the shit around in that trade, you guys. Great snag with Eddie Lacy, Trav.
And now your awards:
The Big Sandwich Award (fka the Jimmy G J-Slapper):
DJ. Whatever. He did well, it has to happen sometimes, right? The only exciting thing about that happening is the bet Fadi lost by being outscored by DJ. Those Chic-Fil-A nuggets will taste good next time we play cards. I would like to give DJ a special shoutout for starting Matt Jones over Latavius Murray. I got to witness the struggle first hand on Sunday as I watched beads of sweat drip from his brow for a solid 15 minutes trying to decide who to stick into his RB2 spot. Pretty sure there was a little but if blood/brain leaking for his nose too. I'll be happy to watch your hate for him develop in the same fashion as it did for Almo.
Willie Lowmen:
Because sometimes one willie just isn't enough, and it's way too obvious to give this award to only Travis, I'm going to throw a boner into the mix as well. Somehow all of Tony's players scored points and I still managed to outscore him. Amy and Taco managed to double Travis's score. I'm still not sure what in the hell is going on with that, but as long as shit gets back to normal soon I'll be fine.
Benchbomb:
Not much is going on in week 10's bench bomb world. I guess I'll have to give it to Sam for not letting Amy, or probably even Cam at this point, draft his team. Why do all of the people in your family only have three letters in their names? So weird. AND TWO OF THE LETTERS ARE "A" and "M"!!!! Are you fucking kidding me???? Get outta here.
Do better chair:
The big sandwich gets the award this week for not deploying the magic horseshoe in their ass and starting Big Ben. If anyone would have accidentally started him on one of his biggest games of the season (when he wasn't even supposed to play) it would be yinz two.
Thanks to the UPMC Health Plan team for giving me a free Uber ride this weekend. I'm not sure what type of diseases Caleb and Laura filled those cars with, but I'm sure our favorite non-profit company is about to add another comma onto its revenue stream this quarter.
Sammy, you're up next week. I'll save you the trouble and let you know that Jamblowny will be up after you, in Week 12. Throb out.
No comments:
Post a Comment