First, a pseudo-apology from Nolan United for the belated newsletter. Fact is, we lost and stopped caring – like the rest of you (save one). We are writing this newsletter under protest. We agree with RP that the “loser-writes” program must be addressed during the owners meeting. Does NU have an alternative suggestion? No. We stopped caring, remember? The only reason we are even going along with this is because the Commish threatened to withhold our winnings if we did not issue the newsletter prior to the wrap-party. So here it is.
There has only been one person who has hounded, nay, harassed BOTH NU and KJ over this stupid newsletter. Any guesses? Gee, who could be the only person who really cares? You guessed it – our beloved Commish, BB. Side note: One other person complained about the belated newsletter – AF, but we are convinced it was only a means to satisfy his sadistic dentisterial desire:
Now, on to business. DJ won. Yay. Good for him. Congrats. Blah, blah, blah.
The manner in which BB won, though, was both an exploitation and indictment of the PPR scoring system. Let us flash back to championship weekend…. NU was nearing an epic upset after a (fully inflated) balls out effort led by Russell Wilson (40+ pts) and the Seattle defense that resulted in NU heading in to the last game of the day with a 23ish point lead (it was so long ago that we can’t remember such details – although I’m sure DJ will). BB had CJ Anderson left to go. The Broncos were playing some other team (who in the hell remembers?). Anderson was projected to get some amount of points that were less than 23ish. NU settled in to watch anxiously to see if they could hold on – all the while DJ texted repeatedly to reassure NU that they had it in the bag. Despite the near concession, NU knew better.
We watched CJ Anderson on EVERY play. We never really paid much attention to CJ Anderson before and it donned on us rather early in the game that he was a bum. We started to feel pretty good about our chances as Anderson was held in check for the first 50 minutes of the game. He eeked into double digits, but wasn’t really threatening to do much. Then it happened. It started to rain heavily and whatever team the Broncos were playing built a 2 or 3 possession lead. The heavy rain and the prevent D made Manning gun-shy, so all of a sudden, Anderson turned into "Super Garbageman" who dominated garbage time.
If it wasn’t so crushing, it would have been interesting to watch. On every play, this freakin’ guy would simply slip through the line of scrimmage and stand 1 ½ yards past the pass rush and a good 7 yards from the nearest defender. Stupid Franken-Manning, with everyone else being covered, dumped it off to this bum what felt like a dozen times. Boom – 1 point plus 5-7 garbage yards. Over and over and over and over and over again. Then, he busts a long one. Then another. NU maintained its lead until the last 3 minutes of the game, before it was over for NU. Garbage points for a garbage player in garbage time. Yet, that is the PPR world we live in and kuddos to BB for spotting the true value in this garbage sucker named CJ Anderson. NU has decided next year that we will be drafting Fred Sanford, Oscar the Grouch, and the Garbage Pail Kids to take us that final step to a championship.
Stud of the Week
Winner and 2014 Champs – Barrister’s Balls. Enough said.
Willy Lowman of the Week
Loser and Runner-Up - Nolan Untied.
Do Better Chair
Everyone except BB. The chase is on for 2015.
In all seriousness, congrats to our humble Commish for a great season and championship #2. Is there room for a second set of balls on the trophy? We look forward to seeing everyone at the Wrap-Up Party where awards and winnings (at least we hope) will be disbursed.
Peace & Love,
NU
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